cross fingers

i am so sleepy and tired but i still want to update my blog because i feel like i have to throw out this feeling here and no where else. no where else but here. telling someone won't make a difference either because some people may just agree with what you're feeling or just make you feel like you're wrong in some ways. in any way..

i'm blogging anything that is in my mind. i really have no idea what it is but i'm just letting my fingers dance on this keyboard and let my mind be the radio that has no ending. like it goes on and on and on with sorts of different things. i feel very disappointed right now but i'm trying not to let it overwhelm me.. and you guys know what? there's a question that still remains me till right now. till the date 17th december 2012. for years i've been asking myself why our days that are so filled with non-stop laughters, etc ends with a fucking frown, etc. the question remains.

i hope that one day, someone or anyone will be able to answer me that question. that question that has been inside my mind for years. whatever problem that i have now doesn't matter to me but what i feel matters the most. of course, sadness is the last thing i ever want in my life but life isn't that fair to let me enjoy that one feeling i can never ask for anymore and let sadness be the last part in my life. but sometimes having a balance of different kinds of feelings has the pros and cons. though i can never list it but i bet anyone can think of the pros and cons themselves.

sigh i'm very down right now and this blog post isn't really what i wanted to do. i wanted to blog about something fun so that when i read it back later, i won't feel miserable and think about the problem now because seriously i think it's too early for this (referring to the problem i'm dealing with right now). i know i'm not fair because i'm always asking for more but isn't asking for more is what everyone wants? yes. everyone wants more than what they have. agree? well don't deny it because i also agree i'm always asking for more. any human isn't satisfied with what they have. they always want more.

well what else can i say? i still have to face the music. nothing will change. i'll accept what he wants to do for his family because i truly respect what he's doing. at least he's not doing it for himself. he's doing it for a good cause and i understand that. maybe i still can't accept that his presence will be no longer with me because he'll stop being my professional and oh so awesome photographer. he'll stop dancing.. with me. stop having fun.. with me. i won't live a happy day hearing this news but i'll be fine as soon as i can ever be. i'll miss him a lot because things won't be like it used to be as holidays are going to crack my mood up and school will start soon. sigh.. not a good sign at all..